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Father’s Day Cupcakes

So sometimes I have to take advantage of the fact that I’m in charge of the food around here.  Most of the time we eat really healthy food, but on Friday I couldn’t stand it. Ellie had the day off school (Matthew’s already done with his), we were going crazy, and I wanted chocolate.

A while ago Roni at Green Lite Bites tweeted about changing this recipe to chocolate, and it had been simmering in the back of my brain long enough.  Using the excuse that the kids need to get more vegetables, I decided to make it – calling them Father’s Day cupcakes, of course.  As a side note, do you know how difficult it is to find canned pumpkin (without the pie spices premixed in) around here in June?  Three stores hard!

So Long, Suckers!

After I “finished” the 30 Day Shred, I was fortunate enough to be invited to guest post on a regular basis at the Shredheads blog.  This was a huge deal for me because (a) I’m a big fan of Kristen’s writing at Motherhood Uncensored, and (b) it was an additional source of motivation for me to keep working out.  The Shredheads were the reason I  started working out, and are also the reason I continue working out!  So posting over there was pretty exciting for me.

Plus, it was my ticket to the big time!  Fame!  Fortune!  Groupies!

Well, almost.  One day one of my friends was asking me how I was working out, and I told her about the 30 Day Shred and that I had an online support group – I didn’t use the name though.  She said, “Oh, I think I heard something about that on DC Urban Moms…aren’t they the ‘Shredders’ or something like that?”  (there actually was a post about the Shredheads over there.)

I was pretty excited that one of my friends almost knew who I was.  Hey, give me a break, I have low self-esteem!

My next big break came in the form of an interview at Mom’s Who Blog.  It was fun, although I have no idea why I was so nervous about it.  It was a phone interview for goodness’ sake and the article was really focused on the Shredheads site.  But the article was neat and I got my picture on someone else’s blog so that was cool.

And now, now I’ve got my third shot at the big time.  See the little badge below?  It’s also over in the sidebar over there somewhere… —>

That’s right, baby…another guest post!  Today, I’m a “featured blogger” at Diets in Review, where I talk about how much fun it is to lose weight over and over.  Either that, or I talk about how important it is to have support when you’re losing weight and working out.  Or both.  Who the hell knows?  All I know is that I’m movin’ on up!  So do me a favor and click on over there so I look popular.

And since this is my ticket out of nowheresville, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all of you – the little people – who made this all possible.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  (but please come back and keep reading, because it’s nice to see that all 2 of you read my blog regularly!)

If you got here from Diets in Review, welcome!  You might want to see here for my weight loss journey, including an absolutely lovely before picture…

Dinner Conversation

Last night was family dinner night.  Well, okay, we try to make every night family dinner night – but Sharon gets home so late on weeknights that they’re always “most of the family” dinner nights.  Saturdays don’t really count since we either go out or bring food in.  Sundays are the real, old-fashioned, homemade family dinner night.

And as usual, when we get all of us together, Ellie’s comments begin early.  This time it was right after I brought dinner to the table.

“Eww…something stinks!  I don’t think it’s the dinner, though.  It’s just a weird smell from the meatballs!”

Umm, good.  I’m glad it’s not dinner then.

“This water is yummy, Dad!” (that was actually Matthew)

Thanks, Matthew. At this point I got a pen and paper because I knew I was going to want to save these gems.

“Hey Dad, what are you writing?”

I’m just writing funny things you say.

“HEY!  I want you to write down ‘etherd’ because it’s one of the funny things we say!”

Um, yeah.  That’s a pretty funny word alright. “Etherd” is kind of like a nice version of the f-word – it’s their universal adjective AND noun, and I have no idea where it came from.  But if you don’t know what to say, say “etherd.”  Anyhow, we made it the rest of the way through dinner without too many more comments.  Then came the topper – usually it’s Ellie who says this, but this time it was Matthew.  We were sitting around just finishing up, and out comes:

“I’m ALMOST going to get sick.”

Okay, you guys can be excused.

Pre-preschool Graduation

Yesterday was Matthew’s preschool “graduation.”  Actually, it wasn’t even really a preschool graduation, it was his coop preschool graduation, so it’s more like a pre-preschool graduation.  Thank goodness he’s shown himself to be truly academically strong – now he gets to go to “real” preschool in the fall.  *sheesh*

I have been really proud of him the whole year, of course.  One of the reasons was that he was one of the few kids who was really calm about everything.  He made it through the entire year with model behavior (they even mentioned his good behavior in his little summary book), but today during the “graduation ceremony” he had a major meltdown.  Apparently it’s terribly unfair to have to put down your bonky-sticks to go to the morning meeting.  He was crying pretty badly, but I thought I had him calmed down to where he could sit still.  A minute later I heard his breathing get funny – you know the “I’m about to start crying uncontrollably” quick breathing?

All hell broke loose.

I picked him up to take him out of the classroom so we wouldn’t bother everyone else more than we already had and he somehow simultaneously went completely limp AND flailed his arms and legs around.  And of course the screeching “I DON’T WANT TO GO! I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE THE [UNINTELLIGIBLE]! NO! NO! NOOOOOO!  I’LL BE QUIET!!!!”

Fortunately, he calmed down enough to go back in.  We got his little summary folder, a lollypop (because what’s better for a 2 year old than a 9:30am lollypop?), and a baby tree (I’m not sure what that was about).  I can only be glad they didn’t hand out diplomas, because that’s just silly.  They did hand out popsicles later, though, and of course he ended up with red popsicle juice all over his favorite tan shorts.  *sigh*

It isn’t easy being a pre-preschool graduate…

A Tiny Scrotum and a Dirty Toilet

I’ll be honest – when Matthew first got potty trained (we’re still daytime only, so it’s not like we’re all done yet) I loved that he sat down to pee, because it meant that most of the time his pee ended up in the toilet.  Or at least in front of the toilet or on his clothes, where it was easy to clean up.  Sure, it meant that in public he had to put his hands on toilet seats, but that wasn’t so bad.  Okay, that was gross, but we wash them anyway.

But alas, my little man is growing up and the other day he wanted to pee standing up.  He’d tried briefly a few times before but couldn’t get himself to relax enough to go.  This time, however, he reminded me just how much pressure little kids have!  The pee went everywhere and he had a huge smile on his face as he turned to me and said, “I’M JUST LIKE YOU, DAD!”

Since then he’s refined his technique and is actually doing really well at getting his pee where it belongs – we haven’t even had to resort to the cheerio technique! Had I thought about things, I never would have asked him if he wanted to do it standing up.  Because he’s pretty short.  And toilets are pretty tall.  So when it comes time to pee, we have a little problem.

He puts all of his junk on the rim of the toilet.

I don’t think he could get more of himself to touch the toilet if he tried.  First he pulls his pants and underpants down to his ankles and waddles close to the toilet.  Then he grabs a handful of penis and scrotum, lifts everything up while he stands on his toes, tiptoes forward, and plunks everything down on the rim.  Then, just for good measure, he leans WAY forward so his thighs are resting on the toilet too, and he puts his hands toward the back of the rim (apparently he’ll be one of those guys who pees with no hands).  If I weren’t there to prevent it, he’d probably try to rest his forehead on the back of the toilet.  It really is quite a spectacle.

The upside is that since he’s practically laying flat on the toilet, all the pee goes where it should.

That’s the good.  The bad comes when he needs to pee when we’re out.  Because, unlike at home where I can Clorox wipe everything clean before he goes, public bathrooms are…well…you know.  And do you have ANY idea how grossed out I am by public toilets?  Seriously, have you looked at a men’s room lately?

So when we were at the grocery store the other day, he decided to go. I used more wipes to clean the toilet than I would have wiping his butt, but at least I couldn’t see any cooties moving when he did his routine.  I closed my eyes and prayed, and when he was done he was really pleased with himself.  Then, for good measure, when he was done he leaned over and gave me a big hug.  With his toilety hands.

Does anyone want to buy a shirt and some pants?  If not, I’m going to have to burn them.

Will You Be My Friend?

Since I became a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), I’ve found it to be somewhere between difficult and impossible to keep my old friends.  They kept working and I moved on, figuratively at first and then literally once we moved away.  And then at a certain point my life just became entirely about my wife and kids.  It’s not a bad thing…but it’s hard to make new friends, at least really good friends.

A long-overdue call to a good friend (hi Val!) made me realize that I’ve spent less time chatting with friends in the last six months than I did with her the other day.  And I miss just chatting.

I need more some friends.

I guess I interact with people, but it’s nearly all online.  Unfortunately, the truth is that these are all friendships in 140 characters or less (hi Tweeps!).  And that’s fun, but not the same as “real life” friends.  I know this because real life friends wouldn’t put up with the huge pile of diet mountain dew cans around my computer.

I’m not really sure how to go about making new friends any more, since I used to make my friends through work.  I tend not to have a lot in common with stay-at-home dads (SAHDs), since I don’t want to talk about jobs, sports, or beer.  I prefer hanging out with the moms…and I belong to the local mom’s group, but it’s hard for me to make good friends through it.  I feel creepy asking to trade phone numbers, and it just doesn’t seem like many moms are ready to be good friends with the dad who shows up at playgroup or the park…most are friendly, but few are friends.

But I can’t blame them, because I don’t exactly put forth a grand effort!

It’s finally starting to take its toll, because I’m going crazy without friends to chat with.  I need people to talk to who lead similar lives!

So starting now I vow to be more social with the friends I already have, and maybe actually call them once in a while instead of only shooting them quick emails about playgroups!  And I’m going to get out more.  Rather than worrying about messing up Matthew’s nap, I’m going to go to the afternoon playgroups everyone else goes to.  I’m going to go to the neighborhood park and visit with the other parents.  I’m actually going to go out and get to know people!

So what do you say…will you be my friend?

Her Cup Overfloweth

“Today Ellie pee-peed too much.  6 times am, 5 times pm.”

Yes, that’s the actual note we received from preschool.  Yes, they used the word “pee-peed.”

Time for the doctor’s office, and of course we needed to get a urine sample, so the three of us (Did I mention Matthew went too?  Because one kid just isn’t enough fun when you go to the doctor…) went into the doctor’s bathroom.  Those of you who have taken Ellie to go pee in a public restroom, and it had better just be you Sharon (hi, can you bring home some Diet Mountain Dew after work?), know how much she freaks out at the thought of a public toilet.

Yep, she freaked out.

As soon as we shut the door she saw the industrial strength toilet and went bonkers!  Things got really fun when I told her the doctor said sitting on the toilet backwards would make the collection easier.  I thought for sure someone was going to break down the door to make sure I wasn’t hurting her.  DON’T LET ME FALL IN THE TOILET!  DON’T LET THE TOILET FLUSH DON’T LET ME FALL IN I DON’T WANT TO SIT BACKWARDS DON’T LET IT FLUSH DON’T LET ME FALL IN NOOO AAAA NO I DON’T WANT TO PEE! She made life more interesting by putting her feet together at just the right time so they almost went into the toilet instead of on either side.

Meanwhile, Matthew was happily playing with the water faucet with those big, neat medical handles they have.  Thank goodness he has my attention span.

Anyway, after something like what I imagine happens at the zoo when they need to collect urine from an angry badger, I got the specimen and got Ellie off the toilet.  As soon as her feet touched the ground she calmly got dressed and said, “That wasn’t even scary!”

So I flushed while she was in there.  As she was running out she said, “But I don’t want to do it again!”

(The classic part of this was that the needing to pee over and over was all in her head.  Apparently potty training Matthew made her feel like she had to go 500 times a day.  Argh.)

Ellie is Getting Married…?

“Daddy, I’m going to marry Matthew.”

Ha ha, you can’t do that – he’s your brother…

“NO!  I mean when I grow UP I’m going to marry him.”

Well he’s still going to be your brother when you grow up!

“Oh.  Well I love him SO much!”  (holds arms wide)

That’s really sweet, but…

“Dad, is my hair longer than yesterday?”

Yes dear, it is. (thank goodness for the attention span of a 4 year old!)

Breaking News

Extra!  Extra!  Read all about it!  Matthew peed in the toilet by himself.

By himself!

And that’s completely by himself.  There was no help getting to the toilet.  No help pulling pants down.  No help getting the “rocketship toilet” in place.  No help getting on the stool and sitting down.  I didn’t know he was doing it until he called for help when he got stuck while wrestling his Elmo underpants back up after he was done.  He even wiped!  (Yeah, he wipes when he pees, because he sees his sister do it.)

That is all.

A Mother’s Day Farewell

When Gideon and Mena died, we had their names carved in some small stones so we could place them in some of their favorite haunts.  Sharon spends her days at work (obviously), so she hasn’t really had to face the “empty” house in quite the same way as me.  And, as she pointed out, the dogs were our first kids, so it meant a lot to her to put these stones out.  Yesterday we put a pair at “the pooping grounds,” the turnaround point of our usual walks along the W&OD trail.  We still have some to put in the park and our yard, but these were the most special (in my mind).

Since Matthew is new to the potty-trained world we didn’t want to get too far away from a bathroom, so we parked fairly close and only walked the last 1/2 mile or so.  The weather was perfect, and the rocks found their spot under a nice bunch of trees near the stream.  I miss walking along that trail, but even after 7 months it feels strange to push the stroller without holding the leashes.  *sigh*

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