Will You Be My Friend?
Since I became a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), I’ve found it to be somewhere between difficult and impossible to keep my old friends. They kept working and I moved on, figuratively at first and then literally once we moved away. And then at a certain point my life just became entirely about my wife and kids. It’s not a bad thing…but it’s hard to make new friends, at least really good friends.
A long-overdue call to a good friend (hi Val!) made me realize that I’ve spent less time chatting with friends in the last six months than I did with her the other day. And I miss just chatting.
I need more some friends.
I guess I interact with people, but it’s nearly all online. Unfortunately, the truth is that these are all friendships in 140 characters or less (hi Tweeps!). And that’s fun, but not the same as “real life” friends. I know this because real life friends wouldn’t put up with the huge pile of diet mountain dew cans around my computer.
I’m not really sure how to go about making new friends any more, since I used to make my friends through work. I tend not to have a lot in common with stay-at-home dads (SAHDs), since I don’t want to talk about jobs, sports, or beer. I prefer hanging out with the moms…and I belong to the local mom’s group, but it’s hard for me to make good friends through it. I feel creepy asking to trade phone numbers, and it just doesn’t seem like many moms are ready to be good friends with the dad who shows up at playgroup or the park…most are friendly, but few are friends.
But I can’t blame them, because I don’t exactly put forth a grand effort!
It’s finally starting to take its toll, because I’m going crazy without friends to chat with. I need people to talk to who lead similar lives!
So starting now I vow to be more social with the friends I already have, and maybe actually call them once in a while instead of only shooting them quick emails about playgroups! And I’m going to get out more. Rather than worrying about messing up Matthew’s nap, I’m going to go to the afternoon playgroups everyone else goes to. I’m going to go to the neighborhood park and visit with the other parents. I’m actually going to go out and get to know people!
So what do you say…will you be my friend?
My husband is a SAHD and has the same problems. He feels kind of strange asking to get together with other women (and their kids). And it seems like every time we make good friends either we move or they move. I have met some like minded ladies through a local Birth Matters group, and I’m trying to introduce my husband to those families, but it is hard being a dad in a mom’s world. I hope you make some good connections soon!
Hang in there, man, and don’t lose heart. I went through the same things; lots of SAHDs have. You’re doing the right thing by trying to get out there more, and it’s good for your kids, too.
(This sounds funny, perhaps, but I actually found that it really facilitated friendships with SAHMs when I made a point of getting them together with my wife.)
All of my friends have either moved away or are going back to work so I am going through a similar thing. It is hard. I spend a lot of time at the gym and have friends whose names I don’t know but at least it is human interaction. Hope it gets better.
Thought of you this afternoon. I found myself at the pool sitting beside another mom and her need for a friend was palpable. Thank goodness my need was similar. Though all of our children needed naps we chatted for an hour and are looking forward to the pool tomorrow as well. Yeah, a friend.
Hmm, you in SoCal by any chance?