Daddy Is Tired

It’s now officially been a year that we’ve been without a dog.  Losing Mena was such a terrible thing, and to lose Gideon only two weeks later was devastating.

I can’t pretend that he was the perfect family dog…he had sore hips and didn’t like when the kids got near them.  He liked to wrestle – roughly.  But we’d gotten him before we had kids.  Before we knew some of the habits we should break from a dog.  So I ended up with the perfect dog not for a family with kids…but for me.

He and I really understood each other, and it’s contemplating how wonderful he was that makes me REALLY wonder about what people call the soul.  He had such a strong personality, and was so smart, that I wonder where that came from.  We understood each other perfectly.  When I was in a bad mood, he’d sense it from across the house and put his chin (or butt) on me.  When I was sad he’d come cuddle me.  And of course he’d always want to play in the yard.  I miss throwing his toys and watching him catch them mid-air.  I miss going on walks, watching how wiggly he got when I got the leash out.  I miss coming home from work to have lunch with him.  I miss just hearing his nails click on the floor.

You may not have been the ideal family dog, Gideon, but you were perfect for me.  You were my little guy, and you always will be.  I love you.

My Little Guy

I can’t believe it’s been a year without Mena.  I’ve managed to make it through an entire year without the greatest family dog that ever was.

This morning I took Mena’s favorite toy out and held it for a while.  I just can’t believe how fast we went from having her to losing her.  It’s hard holding her toy and not having her come squeak it for me.  It’s hard looking at all of her cozy spots around the house and seeing other stuff in them.  It’s hard not seeing her smiley face when I’m walking (or running) around the neighborhood.

And it’s extra hard right now, because with all of the problems we’re having with Ellie (and they spill over into Matthew’s attitude too) I could sure use her sweet disposition around.  Just sitting with her would calm me down.  She was awesome, and I still miss her.

I love you Mena.  And you know I always will.

Little Mena

When Gideon and Mena died, we had their names carved in some small stones so we could place them in some of their favorite haunts.  Sharon spends her days at work (obviously), so she hasn’t really had to face the “empty” house in quite the same way as me.  And, as she pointed out, the dogs were our first kids, so it meant a lot to her to put these stones out.  Yesterday we put a pair at “the pooping grounds,” the turnaround point of our usual walks along the W&OD trail.  We still have some to put in the park and our yard, but these were the most special (in my mind).

Since Matthew is new to the potty-trained world we didn’t want to get too far away from a bathroom, so we parked fairly close and only walked the last 1/2 mile or so.  The weather was perfect, and the rocks found their spot under a nice bunch of trees near the stream.  I miss walking along that trail, but even after 7 months it feels strange to push the stroller without holding the leashes.  *sigh*

The rocks are in here...

Goodbye, guys...we miss you!

It was a good Easter, complete with an egg hunt, sugar highs, me stealing candy from the kids, and general goodness.  One of the highlights was Ellie when she was wishing us happy Easter…

Ellie, this morning: “Happy Easter Mom and Dad.  Happy Easter Matthew.  Happy Easter Gideon and Mena.”

Matthew: “Gideon and Mena can’t hear us!”

Ellie: “Yes they can!  They’re just invisible, that’s all”

Wow, it’s been just over six months. Half a year, and I still miss Mena and Gideon like it was yesterday. I have a picture of Gideon on my desk that was taken on his last full day with us, and when I look at it I can still hear, feel and smell him – it’s like he’s right next to me. He and I were a matched pair, and we understood each other perfectly, and looking at that picture makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

Matthew (2-1/2 years old) was looking at the picture yesterday and asked if Gideon was sick. I confirmed that he remembered Gideon had died, and Matthew told me he meant in the picture.

Yes, Gideon was very sick in that picture.

“He was sick?”
Yes, very.

“His eye hurt?”
Yes, that eye (Gideon’s left).

“He needed to see the doctor?”
Yes, but the doctor said he was too sick.

“Did he get shots?”
Yes, but they didn’t help.

“I don’t like shots. Why didn’t he say grrr?”
He did, sweetheart, but sometimes it just doesn’t help.

I can’t believe I miss Gideon (and Mena) so much, and that’s why hearing something like this (also search for #maddie on Twitter) makes me grieve for her family. It was so hard losing just my DOGS that I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for them to lose a child, and I hope somehow they’re able to make peace with everything.