Daddy Is Tired

This morning I saw a couple of high school (?) kids walking down our street.  I’ve seen them before, and I’m always amazed at how nerdy one of these kids is close up.  There are nerdy kids, and then there are NERDS!  Think Louis from Revenge of the Nerds.  Really, this kid is a dead ringer.

Now I’m certainly not one to talk…I was pretty super completely geeky from about sixth grade on.  For goodness’ sake, I had a RPN calculator in grade school and thought it was cool!  (bonus points if you know what RPN stands for, and if my parents are reading this, I want that HP15C back when you no longer want it!)

I was just as nerdy in high school.  In addition to my blossoming weight problem, I clearly remember one day when one of my friends told me it looked like I combed my hair with a spoon.  Self esteem?  Yeah, right.  I would have traded anything in high school to look like one of the “normal” kids.

But this kid?  This kid is different.  I’ve never seen someone so comfortable in his own skin.  He owns his look, walking down the street like he’s Brad Pitt.  Richard Grieco?  Whoever it is the girls like these days.  That dude from Twilight?  The Situation?  God I’m old…I don’t know who any of these people are.

Anyhow, I’m always amazed at how some people refuse to worry about what other people think.  When I see my own kids go to preschool dressed in mismatched clothes that they insist on wearing, I automatically think, “Oh Lord, what are the other kids going to think?”  Thank goodness I don’t say it out loud, because E and M don’t care what the other kids might say.  They like it, so they’re going to wear it.

I hope they stay that way.

Friday Night, Shredheads Meetup

We arrived on Friday, and I went straight to the packet pickup…and ignored the stuff at the Expo.  In hindsight I wish I hadn’t, but oh well.  I got back to the room just in time to pack up the family and meet Laura and Kari, who were staying at the same resort we were, on the way to dinner.  We took the water taxi over to Downtown Disney and relied on our expert navigating skills to get us to the restaurant.

After walking to the wrong end of Downtown Disney, um, on purpose…for sightseeing purposes, we walked back to the other end and met up with Kristen, the head Shredhead, as well as Erica (and her husband), Stephanie (and her husband), Liz, and Rekeesha.  We got some sandwiches, passed out our sponsor’s pedometers and the race shirts, and had a great time!

Then E got cold and M peed in his pants, so Sharon took them back to the hotel.  We all hung out for a while, then the party split up as the 5K runners (go Stephanie and Liz!) had to get to bed for their race the next morning.

Sunday Morning, Pre-Race

Fast forward to Sunday.  Barely Sunday.  My alarm went off at 2:45am, and the wakeup call rang at 2:53am.  Disney has some REALLY annoying message playing for the wakeup call.  It doesn’t make me want to wake up so much as it makes me want to smash the phone through the wall.

After a quick breakfast, shower, and getting dressed, and I was out the door to catch the 3:30am bus to the staging area at Epcot.  It was COLD…39 degrees!  I’ve run in much colder than that, but this involved us standing around doing nothing from about 4am to 6am.  Fortunately Laura, Kari, and I found Kristen pretty easily and we huddled together for warmth.

Huddling with Laura and Kari to conserve body heat. BRR!

After a while we meandered over to the portapotty line and waited for what seemed like an eternity.  I met Kari going in while I was on my way out, and the only thing I could think of to say was, “it wasn’t me!”

I lied.  Sorry, Kari.

We finally got on our way toward the start line, and with our arms linked for warmth I felt like we were in the Wizard of Oz skipping down the yellow brick road.  I was so amped up by the cold, the race nerves, and the Diet Mountain Dew that I was shaking…so much so that Kristen commented on it.

We got to the start line, which had plenty of short-line portapotties (DANG!), and while Kari and Laura went to their corral, Kristen and I elbowed our way to the front of ours.  Miraculously, out of more than 10,000 people there, we walked right by Erica…hooray!  Then we waited.  And waited.

And waited some more.

Start – Mile 3.1 (5K)

Finally, 6am arrived and the first corral was released with a blaze of fireworks.  We were herded toward the front, and as we started running 7 minutes later, we got our own set of fireworks.  I have to admit, it was a kick ass way to start a race.  There was a huge (for that time of day, at least) crowd of people cheering us on, and my race nerves dropped away as we got going.

The start of the race - everything I do should start with fireworks!

The first three miles felt unbelievably easy and fast (although they weren’t particularly fast).  I started out pretty slow, then realized I needed to speed up to find my rhythm.  The first three miles had at least one band, somebody from a Bugs Life, and a big display from the Pirates of the Caribbean – including a big boat and some pirates doing their thing.  It was all very cool, and it definitely helped having those (and the water areas) to look forward to as landmarks.

Mile 1: 9:40
Mile 2: 9:57
Mile 3: 9:14
Official 5K split: 30:10

Miles 4-7

The first 3 miles may have been the easiest, but the next 4 were definitely the most fun part of the run.  Somewhere in these I heard (and then saw) Stephanie, her husband, and Erica’s husband (hereafter known as “The Crew”) cheering me on.  How awesome was that!  Plus, they got a picture of my butt.  I was so fast they couldn’t focus on me until I was already past.

According to Stephanie, "the yellow stripe is wbgookin's ass."

As we approached the Magic Kingdom I don’t remember a whole lot other than running through where you’d pay to park your car, and the people yelling at us to watch out for the speed bump.  I guess somebody learned that one the hard way.  It was pretty cool running around stuff you’d normally not be able to.  Suddenly we were making a super-sharp left turn to get headed toward the front of the park.  Seeing Space Mountain during the middle of a race was definitely motivating.  And then I was turning onto Main Street.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get chills and a big dopey grin on my face.  They had some pretty cool music playing (think low bass and electronic effects), and there were TONS of people cheering.  Plus it was the Magic Kingdom!  WOO!  We ran down Main Street toward the castle, turned into and ran through Tomorrowland, ran through a little of Fantasyland…and suddenly we were turning to run through the back of Cinderella’s Castle.  They had it closed to pedestrian traffic for most of our visit (for the shows in front?), but it was open for us, and running through was, well, a little uneventful.  After all, when you’re inside the castle it’s hard to see any of it.  The turn onto Main Street was much more exciting for me.

Anyway, according to my watch we ran through Frontierland (I don’t remember any of that) and out of the park through some maintenancy-type buildings (I do remember those).  That was the first water stop where I noticed people weren’t throwing their cups in the garbage but on the ground instead.  Lame, runners, lame!

And just like that, after about 1.25 miles, we were done with the Magic Kingdom.

Mile 4: 9:19
Mile 5: 9:28
Mile 6: 9:28
Official 10K split: 59:42
Mile 7: 9:37

Miles 8-10

I don’t remember a lot about 7-10, which seems to be pretty common among the posts I’ve read about the race.  It was post-Magic Kingdom, so it was a little bit of a letdown, and I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a lot of roadside entertainment either.  I vaguely remember some bands, and a few characters along the side, but they might have been earlier or later.  The only thing I remember for sure was around mile 8 seeing The Crew cheering me on again.  That was totally unexpected (again), and super motivating (again).  I must have slowed down, though, because they were able to get a picture of me.

Fortunately, I remembered to do the classic "White Guy Thumbs Up" pose! My thumbs look really weird!

Mile 8: 9:13
Mile 9: 9:19
Mile 10: 9:30
Official 15K split: 1:29:21

Miles 11-13.1

I clearly recall passing mile 10 and realizing that I still had a whole 5K to run.  Ugh.  Plus, we’d all read that there was a “hill” on the course (an overpass) at about 10.5 miles.  Expecting the worst, lo and behold at about 10.4 miles there was an overpass.  I was prepared to drop to my first real walk of the race, but other than the superelevation of the road it wasn’t bad at all.  Partway around the curve (it was a cloverleaf interchange) there was an army man (G.I. Joe?) cheering us on and that was the beginning of the entertainment I remember again.

Then came TWO MORE OVERPASSES that weren’t in the travel brochure!

Fortunately, the adrenaline of almost being done got me through them, and as I got closer to Epcot and saw the parking lots and Spaceship Earth, I was really looking forward to finishing.

Duh.

We got into Epcot, ran toward Spaceship Earth, and I looked at my watched and realized we weren’t near 13.1 yet.  We had to run by Spaceship Earth, go all the way to the lake, then turn around, run back under it, and head back to the parking lot where the finish line was.  Ugh, what a horrible deception.

How dare Disney hide how far away the finish line was behind a bunch of switchbacks and hidden areas, and make me think I was almost there when I wasn’t and, uh, oh wait, that’s what they do all over Disney.  Why didn’t I expect that again?

Almost done!

Coming to the finish was almost anticlimactic since it was back out of the park.  I “sprinted” to the end and made it in 2 hours, 4 minutes and 46 seconds.  Not bad.  Not the sub-2 hours I was secretly hoping for, but still a great time for me.

13.1 miles, 2:04:46

Mile 11: 9:14
Mile 12: 9:29
Mile 13: 9:06
Official 13.1 time: 2:04:46

Post-race

I waited just on the other side of the finish line and read a tweet from The Crew saying they saw me finish.  I wish I’d seen them at the finish line to give them a big grin, but I didn’t expect to see them a third time!  I eventually met up with Kristen and Erica, and we were some happy Shredheads!

We kick ass!

After a while Kristen and I took off toward where the buses dropped us off, only to find that they weren’t there to pick us up.  What seemed like miles later, Kristen had to get to the airport so she used her Epcot ticket to get into the park and sprinted through the course again, exiting at her hotel on the other side.  I wandered back to the finish line, met up with Kari and Laura, and got on the bus.  The bus that had been waiting about 50 feet in the OTHER DIRECTION THAT I HEADED WITH KRISTEN.  Had I turned my head, I’d have seen the signs and made it back to the hotel like an hour earlier.  Doy!

But I made it back, and now have an awesome medal to prove I finished my first half marathon!  Check out the data from my watch, which includes a map and everything, here.

Yes, that's a little crown sticker on my hat.

(And yes, I’d love to make this a yearly event!)

This post was originally posted at the Shredheads blog on November 11, 2009 – feel free to comment over there.

We’ve been great friends for a long time now, and you’ve really helped me a lot.  In fact, in some ways you’ve carried me through the most difficult times of my weight loss journey.

Don’t get me wrong, you’re still wonderful, but it’s gotten to the point where you’re all I think about.  In fact, I long for you, often choosing you over who I should and that’s just not right.  So right now I think we need to spend less time together.

After last week’s accidental running out of Diet Mountain Dew, and the resulting caffeine withdrawal, I realized I needed to cut back. WAY back.  I don’t know how much I was drinking before, but it was at least 2 liters a day (probably more).  Don’t bother telling me how bad that is.

So this past week I’ve been making a 2 liter bottle last 3 days (filling in the gaps with water and decaf iced tea), and I’m noticed some big changes.  The strangest is that I’ve started dreaming again.  For a long time I haven’t had (or remembered, at least) ANY dreams.  Nothing.  And for the past few nights I’ve been having and remembering dreams.  I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I figure it’s a sign that I’m headed in the right direction.

Our house is a sty.  Of the pig variety.

I have only myself to blame – after all, it’s my job to keep it clean since I don’t have a Real Job.  But there’s something about cleaning that makes it hard for me to focus.  I’ll start out strong, maybe cleaning toilets.  Suddenly a bird chirps outside and I end up with Alzheimer’s disease.  I wander off aimlessly with no clue what’s going on, only to come to my senses in front of the television some time later with no memories of what has happened.  I’m just lucky that so far I always stay in the house!

This week was our biweekly maids visit.  Of course that required a Serious Cleaning Day…you know the one, where you clean the house so the cleaning people won’t discover the filth in which you live for the other 13 days?

Anyway, I was carrying some clothes upstairs to dump them on the floor hang them in my closet, and I took my shoes with me.  Because I’m all about efficiency, you know…why make two trips?  When I got to our room, I dropped my shoes in the middle of the room…despite being on my way to the closet!  It was okay, though, because they landed in a nice soft pile of dirty socks that I’d left there earlier in the day on my way down to the laundry room.

The great part was that as I stepped back over the shoes and socks to head back downstairs I thought, “Wow, that was really dumb to leave those there.”  And yet there they stayed.

None of this is my fault, though.  I have a Y chromosome, you see…

It’s now officially been a year that we’ve been without a dog.  Losing Mena was such a terrible thing, and to lose Gideon only two weeks later was devastating.

I can’t pretend that he was the perfect family dog…he had sore hips and didn’t like when the kids got near them.  He liked to wrestle – roughly.  But we’d gotten him before we had kids.  Before we knew some of the habits we should break from a dog.  So I ended up with the perfect dog not for a family with kids…but for me.

He and I really understood each other, and it’s contemplating how wonderful he was that makes me REALLY wonder about what people call the soul.  He had such a strong personality, and was so smart, that I wonder where that came from.  We understood each other perfectly.  When I was in a bad mood, he’d sense it from across the house and put his chin (or butt) on me.  When I was sad he’d come cuddle me.  And of course he’d always want to play in the yard.  I miss throwing his toys and watching him catch them mid-air.  I miss going on walks, watching how wiggly he got when I got the leash out.  I miss coming home from work to have lunch with him.  I miss just hearing his nails click on the floor.

You may not have been the ideal family dog, Gideon, but you were perfect for me.  You were my little guy, and you always will be.  I love you.

My Little Guy

I can’t believe it’s been a year without Mena.  I’ve managed to make it through an entire year without the greatest family dog that ever was.

This morning I took Mena’s favorite toy out and held it for a while.  I just can’t believe how fast we went from having her to losing her.  It’s hard holding her toy and not having her come squeak it for me.  It’s hard looking at all of her cozy spots around the house and seeing other stuff in them.  It’s hard not seeing her smiley face when I’m walking (or running) around the neighborhood.

And it’s extra hard right now, because with all of the problems we’re having with Ellie (and they spill over into Matthew’s attitude too) I could sure use her sweet disposition around.  Just sitting with her would calm me down.  She was awesome, and I still miss her.

I love you Mena.  And you know I always will.

Little Mena

So some of you may have read The Tweet I sent yesterday.  If you didn’t see it, don’t bother looking.  I deleted it.  To give you a hint of what it said, before I sent it I sent this:

And right after The Tweet, I sent this:

The Tweet was profanity-laden and not very complimentary – to Ellie or, quite frankly, to me.  But I needed an outlet.  I needed it to get out there so someone would actually hear it, because sometimes if nobody hears you it just isn’t the same.  And I didn’t think the neighbors really needed to hear it.  So, well, hi Twitterverse, it comes to you!

Not surprisingly, I got a reply tweet.  I love feedback, but for some reason this woman’s reply really got to me.  It was seconds after I sent the original, and she said:

My first thought was, “Fuck you!”  Then my insecurities took over.  While I was annoyed with the “lot of people unfollowing you” bit, I was really disturbed about the “I’m upset for your 5 year old” comment.  I shouldn’t let that get to me, but, well, instead of getting to bed at a reasonable hour my brain ended up getting all wound up and I deleted The Tweet.

Fortunately, as the evening went on, some very cool people tweeted me back and made me feel better (sorry if I missed anyone).  @SarcasticMomLC pointed out that if they unfollow me for a single tweet then they weren’t my kind of people.

Thank goodness I’ve got “my kind of people” following me too.  <drunken slur>  I love you guys! </drunken slur>

I recently read a blog post discussing how what people say affects you.  I thought about that for a bit, but since my memories of childhood (and even adulthood) are foggy at best, I don’t recall a lot of specific comments about my weight or anything else.  I know they were there, but they just don’t surface often.

Anyway, I was just listening to a Def Leppard tune while doing dishes.  Do people still use the word “tune”?  While singing along I had a flashback to high school – if you’ll recall, I was the fattest kid in school.  I was in a friend’s house and his sister was talking to her friend about how she had tickets to Def Leppard.  I walked into the kitchen as she was saying something like, “He is SO hot!”

Then, and this is one of the few times in my life where my memory turns crystal clear, she looked at me and said, “I mean Joe Elliott, not you.”

I’m reasonably sure a few boxes of Oreos made the ultimate sacrifice for that one.

There was another good one in college.  My classmates and I were hanging out, and one of the guys who was really into fitness said to me, “Don’t take off your shirt, it’s going to be a flabalanche.”  Much laughter ensued.

My coping mechanism at that time was simple.  For dinner that night I guarantee I hit the drive-thru at Jack in the Box and ordered two sourdough jacks, two large fries, and two large cokes.  The two cokes were to fool the people into thinking there were two people eating all that food.  I had that meal a lot.

Good times.

It’s interesting that out of all the comments I’ve heard that those two should stand out so strongly.  They were just throwaway lines, and shouldn’t have mattered, but they did.  More than any complimentary lines, apparently, because I don’t easily recall any of those.  Except for one.

In graduate school I had an AMAZING set of friends who helped me start eating right and losing weight (the first time).  And they introduced me to Diet Mountain Dew.  (heh)  Shortly before I moved, we were getting ready to go on one of our regular hikes.  I’d just gotten to the base of Squaw Peak and as I walked up one of them said, “I hadn’t realized until just now how much weight you’ve lost.  You look great!”

You probably can’t imagine how that felt.  Even thinking about it now almost gives me goose bumps.

I like to imagine that my kids will never have to deal with hurtful comments, but my daughter already has.  About a year ago, a boy in her school told her (in soccer class) that she couldn’t play well because she was a girl.  One comment by that little POS and it took weeks to get her even to kick a soccer ball again.  Even when it’s not about food, words matter.

I just hope I can teach my kids to remember how great they are, no matter what anyone might say to them.