Daddy Is Tired

Lately I’ve been trying to remember what I think about when I run.  Since I usually zone out that’s been tougher than I thought, but I have managed to remember a few things.

Of course there’s the requisite ogling of women.  What can I say?  There are some hotties out there!  Oh, hi Sharon.  Hee hee, uh, well, hmm.  So, how was your day?

I also think about how fast I’m running compared to last time, and trying to figure out how fast I might run a 10K.  I think about random song lyrics (and by “random” I mean “Alter Bridge”), where the next bathroom is, Twitter…lots of dumb stuff like that.   Lately I’ve been thinking about the Tiarathon (Disney Princess 1/2 marathon) that I hope to be doing in March with other Shredheads, which leads to thinking about a Disney trip with the family.  Mostly  mundane and boring stuff.

But then there’s the weird stuff.  The stuff that makes me wonder if I’m really qualified to be watching children all day long.

The other morning I found myself thinking about the people I was running by – what their stories might be.  That’s not unusual, but after passing one old man I actually thought about if he was an older version of me coming back from the future to watch the “now” me run.  I even came up with some theories of why I’d want to come back to watch me.  After all, he must have looked away because if we make eye contact something bad will happen to the universe, right?

WTF?

Sometimes I think it’s better if I don’t remember what I think while I run.

[Note: This is cross-posted at/from the Shredheads site...so if you've read that, you've read this!]

I was originally going to just run my usual 5K this past weekend…you know, to keep up with the BlogHer 5K.  But since I am trying to convince Sharon to let me run the Tiarathon I decided to do 10K instead.  But when @momslant boasted that she “saw  your 5K (on Thursday) and raised you 5K”, I couldn’t help raising the bar a bit and do more than 10K.  So I bumped it to 6.6 miles – that’s 1/4 of a full marathon!  Hence, the 1st Annual #notblogher Half-Half Marathon was born.

This year’s route was fantastic.  Sorry about the awful picture quality.

I started in Arlington at about 6.  As you know, I usually run earlier than that, but this was a one-way run and the train I was taking back didn’t leave until 7:25am.  First I ran to the Iwo Jima portapotties Memorial, then followed the trail down past Arlington Cemetary.  That’s a pretty amazing place if you haven’t seen it in person.  Take this picture and multiply it by a gazillionty.

After that I headed out across Memorial Bridge, and I still felt strong.  It was pretty cool running toward both the Lincoln Memorial and a beautiful sunrise.

After running past the Lincoln Memorial (and some tourists who were out at 6:30?), I ran along the reflecting pool and headed past the Korean War and WWII Memorials toward the Washington Monument.  I think I must have been showing off a bit (not on purpose) in front of the tourists because I noticed myself going pretty fast after I passed them.

After that, there wasn’t a lot to see as I ran toward the Capitol.  I’ve got to admit, when I passed the Washington Monument I started to run out of gas.  I’d meant to eat before leaving but didn’t, and combined with showing off in front of the tourists, I was really feeling tired.  Then after a pretty long stop at a stop light it was REALLY tough to get my legs running again.  Walking was great, running not so much, so at some point I ended up doing 1 minute run/45 second walk intervals.  But I ran by my metro stop (Smithsonian) as planned and went toward the Capitol.

At 6 miles I turned around and made it back to the metro.  Ahh…the sweet, sweet feeling of being done.

I ended up doing 6.6 miles in 1 hour 05 minutes (1 hour 03 minutes if you take out bathroom and picture stops).  I can’t believe I want to do 13.1 next year!

In an attempt to be less hermit-like, I’ve started trying to make friends.  I figured my Weight Watcher’s meeting is a pretty good place to start because, after all, we all have at least ONE thing in common.  So at one meeting a while ago I decided to reach out to people like me…you know, people who are young and attractive.

I’ll wait while you stop laughing.

I met a very nice woman (call her “J,” because everyone loves a mystery) who reminds me of one of my old friends, although she’s probably the age my friend and I were when we first met…which puts me solidly 10 years older than she is.  But I try to ignore that.  Anyway, J and I were sitting next to each other at the last meeting when the leader began talking about vegetables.  I know, isn’t Weight Watcher’s great?  J then raised her hand and told the class how she’d actually been researching the health benefits of spinach.

“That’s odd,” I thought to myself.  “Who researches spinach?”

Apparently, not only is spinach a mediocre-tasting vegetable (heh), it has some great cancer fighting properties and other health benefits too.  I used all my willpower and refrained from mentioning that I’d eaten spinach in my omlette that morning, and somehow the meeting went on.

I kind of instantly forgot the spinach discussion because, seriously, why would I remember anything about a spinach discussion?  Gosh, remember that thing we were talking about the other day, about how great spinach is? A couple of minutes later J – did I mention she’s young and attractive, much like me – turned to me and said quietly, “You know, spinach really helps with prostate health.”

Random prostate advice from young women.  Ouch.  I’m old again.

Boy, those medical texts can make anything sexy!

I’ve been reading with great fascination – much in the same way I read about  Jon and Kate – about the now infamous Nikon cocktail party at BlogHer 2009.  Yes, the one that proves once and for all that indeed, Nikon hates babies.  I know that it’s true because I heard it on Twitter: #nikonhatesbabies.

I didn’t go to BlogHer, but this story makes me sad.  I’m sad that such a silly incident* blew up into such an enormous todo.  Toodoo?  Hullabaloo?  Whatever…people have forgotten what conferences are all about.  Conferences should not be about getting into cocktail parties.  They should not be about forming cliques.  They should not be about ostracizing some poor individual or company for making a mistake.  And conferences should definitely not be about if you have your baby with you.

Unless you’re at the AVN Expo (note to my relatives,  don’t click that).  If you’re a porn star, leave the kid at home.  Thanks.

Ahh, I can hear the cheers now.  Yea, verily, it’s about the bloggers!  It’s about content, and storytelling.  It’s about friendship and comradery!  It’s about banding together and standing as one.  We’re proud of what we do, and we’re proud of how we do it!

And while you suckers cheer for that, I’m going to elbow that baby to get my swag bag.  Daddy needs a new tampon purse and iPod vibrator.**

—
*Yes, someone was denied entry into the Nikon party, but she didn’t mean for it to be blown up into the “major” incident that it was.  As things do on The Internets, it took on a life of its own.

**I don’t know if the swag actually included a tampon purse.

The following conversation took place in the car today on the way back from preschool.  Yes, it’s about the usual topic.  Sorry.

E: “Eew, it smells like farts in here.  I know it was you.”

“Ha ha!”

E: “Why are you laughing?

“Because it’s funny to hear you say ‘I know it was you.’”

Ellie: “You’d better write that down then.  On the computer.”

“OK then.”

After I “finished” the 30 Day Shred, I was fortunate enough to be invited to guest post on a regular basis at the Shredheads blog.  This was a huge deal for me because (a) I’m a big fan of Kristen’s writing at Motherhood Uncensored, and (b) it was an additional source of motivation for me to keep working out.  The Shredheads were the reason I  started working out, and are also the reason I continue working out!  So posting over there was pretty exciting for me.

Plus, it was my ticket to the big time!  Fame!  Fortune!  Groupies!

Well, almost.  One day one of my friends was asking me how I was working out, and I told her about the 30 Day Shred and that I had an online support group – I didn’t use the name though.  She said, “Oh, I think I heard something about that on DC Urban Moms…aren’t they the ‘Shredders’ or something like that?”  (there actually was a post about the Shredheads over there.)

I was pretty excited that one of my friends almost knew who I was.  Hey, give me a break, I have low self-esteem!

My next big break came in the form of an interview at Mom’s Who Blog.  It was fun, although I have no idea why I was so nervous about it.  It was a phone interview for goodness’ sake and the article was really focused on the Shredheads site.  But the article was neat and I got my picture on someone else’s blog so that was cool.

And now, now I’ve got my third shot at the big time.  See the little badge below?  It’s also over in the sidebar over there somewhere… —>

That’s right, baby…another guest post!  Today, I’m a “featured blogger” at Diets in Review, where I talk about how much fun it is to lose weight over and over.  Either that, or I talk about how important it is to have support when you’re losing weight and working out.  Or both.  Who the hell knows?  All I know is that I’m movin’ on up!  So do me a favor and click on over there so I look popular.

And since this is my ticket out of nowheresville, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all of you – the little people – who made this all possible.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  (but please come back and keep reading, because it’s nice to see that all 2 of you read my blog regularly!)

If you got here from Diets in Review, welcome!  You might want to see here for my weight loss journey, including an absolutely lovely before picture…

Since I became a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), I’ve found it to be somewhere between difficult and impossible to keep my old friends.  They kept working and I moved on, figuratively at first and then literally once we moved away.  And then at a certain point my life just became entirely about my wife and kids.  It’s not a bad thing…but it’s hard to make new friends, at least really good friends.

A long-overdue call to a good friend (hi Val!) made me realize that I’ve spent less time chatting with friends in the last six months than I did with her the other day.  And I miss just chatting.

I need more some friends.

I guess I interact with people, but it’s nearly all online.  Unfortunately, the truth is that these are all friendships in 140 characters or less (hi Tweeps!).  And that’s fun, but not the same as “real life” friends.  I know this because real life friends wouldn’t put up with the huge pile of diet mountain dew cans around my computer.

I’m not really sure how to go about making new friends any more, since I used to make my friends through work.  I tend not to have a lot in common with stay-at-home dads (SAHDs), since I don’t want to talk about jobs, sports, or beer.  I prefer hanging out with the moms…and I belong to the local mom’s group, but it’s hard for me to make good friends through it.  I feel creepy asking to trade phone numbers, and it just doesn’t seem like many moms are ready to be good friends with the dad who shows up at playgroup or the park…most are friendly, but few are friends.

But I can’t blame them, because I don’t exactly put forth a grand effort!

It’s finally starting to take its toll, because I’m going crazy without friends to chat with.  I need people to talk to who lead similar lives!

So starting now I vow to be more social with the friends I already have, and maybe actually call them once in a while instead of only shooting them quick emails about playgroups!  And I’m going to get out more.  Rather than worrying about messing up Matthew’s nap, I’m going to go to the afternoon playgroups everyone else goes to.  I’m going to go to the neighborhood park and visit with the other parents.  I’m actually going to go out and get to know people!

So what do you say…will you be my friend?

There are lots of things I should probably change about our car rides as the kids get older…and I’m not just talking about the cursing.  That one – along with Opie and Anthony – had to go a while ago.  Nothing beats a good F-bomb, but alas, it appears that Sharon doesn’t want the kids to have a well rounded education.  *sigh*

There are other, less obvious, things I’m noticing that probably aren’t the best example to be setting though.

Issue 1 – Not quite swearing

“Daddy, why aren’t we moving?”

Well, the cars in front of us aren’t moving, so we can’t go.

“Crap!”

So maybe there are worse words than “crap” for a 4 year old to pick up, but I’m not looking forward to getting the note from preschool telling me that she uses it.

Issue 2 – Impatience

We were backed up at a light and the light turned green.  I honked a little bit, and Ellie shouted “GO, GO, GO!!!” at the top of her voice.  Maybe I say that.  Maybe I say that a lot.

Issue 3 – If you’re a woman or someone I’m trying to impress, please stop reading now

“Daddy, I HATE smelling your farts EVERY time we get in the car!”

Hee hee, I love being a guy.  Farts = funny.  Every time.  Unless they’re yours, in which case, just don’t.

Early the other morning I went running – well, half walking/half running.  I’ll wait for my family to stop saying “Whaaaat?”  (See here for why I’m running.)  It was barely rainy, and I felt really good afterward.  But I’d understretched the previous run and I wanted to make sure I remedied that to avoid shin issues.  The kids were supposed to still be asleep, so I stayed in the sunroom and had just started stretching when I heard Ellie yelling from the bathroom.

“Mommy!  Daddy!  MOMMY!  DADDY!”

Crap.  Most likely literally.  Why won’t she wipe her butt by herself yet?  Ugh…she in preschool, and she knows how!

“MOMMY!  DADDY!”  She came running out of the bathroom, fully clothed and very excited.  “Matthew had to go pee and poop on the toilet and now he’s washing his hands and I’m going to let him wear underpants!”

Oh, did I mention Matthew is mostly potty trained?  He’s still in a diaper at night, but during the day he’s pretty solid.  Anyhow, he and Ellie had been having a sleepover together, and apparently he woke up and told Ellie he needed to go to the bathroom.  Rather than wake Sharon up, or perhaps because she didn’t get up fast enough, Ellie took Matthew into the bathroom, took off his pants and diaper, got him on the toilet, and he peed and pooped.  The diaper even ended up in the garbage can.  WOW!

Then it dawned on me – she doesn’t wipe her own poopy butt.

“Hey Ellie, who wiped Matthew?”

“I did!”

Uh oh.  When I got to the bathroom Matthew was standing at the sink washing his hands.  Without pants.  And I’m not sure what Ellie had wiped, but it didn’t appear to have been anywhere near his butt.  There was no confirmed poop anywhere else in the bathroom other than the toilet, but the bath mat went into the laundry anyway.  And the stools got a good cleaning.

But seeing how proud the two of them looked as they strutted out of the bathroom was worth it.

Ahh, I’m finally at my weight goal.  I made it a couple of weeks ago, and I have to say I’m pretty pleased with myself.  Between eating right and working out like a maniac, things are heading in the right direction.  I’m even training to run a 5K in June!

So I was off to my meeting on Saturday morning to make sure the previous week wasn’t a fluke (if you’re new here, say hi to my nonexistent ego), and Sharon was explaining to Ellie why I go to Weight Watchers meetings every week.  Explaining it is harder than it sounds.  Heck, a lot of adults don’t understand why I have to go to the meetings.  Anyway, they were looking at my before pictures to see what happens when I don’t go to meetings, and Ellie blurted out, “Who’s that with Mena?”

Yep, she didn’t even recognize me.  Which is interesting, since that’s who I see in the mirror right now, despite my being at goal once again.  My brain is a mysterious place…

A "stranger" with Mena. Probably in 2001 or 2002.

Me now. Okay, the lack of a lollipop makes it hard to tell it's the same person.